Dear Southerners: The Intro

Some weird lady just handed you a card with this address on it. Is she crazy? Is this for real? Does she want my money?

Nah, she's just new in town and doesn't really know how to make new friends. She thought this would at least be novel.

I'm hoping to pass out this URL to people who I think would be cool friends to have. If you were handed this url on a card, it's a sincere compliment.

Things you might want to know before deciding whether or not to get back to me:

I am an "ambivert". I'm a natural extrovert with high anxiety, and run out of energy quickly. So while I would love to make new friends and I do have the courage to hand out my url, my anxiety isn't low enough to explain everything I wish I could.

My basic personality is that I'm a conservative Christian who loves anime, Marvel, the ocean, and most music. No matching in these areas is required from my side, though. I've just moved from California and I've got friends who feel there's no God, think Marxism is just the best, listen to vastly different music, and honestly and incorrectly believe that Batman is better than Iron Man. As someone who's spent their entire life surrounded by people she didn't fit in with, I can be pretty flexible for my friends.

I chose to move to the South because I love the people here and I think you're totally better than the North in so many ways.

I'm pretty direct. If I say I want to do coffee sometime, I mean that I would like to do coffee sometime. If I Bless Someone's Heart, most of the time I actually mean it. If I say I like something you're wearing, I'm not buttering you up or being cloying, I actually like what you're wearing. That being said, I don't get a lot of the subtleties of the local culture yet, so please be direct with me, as well.

I am an accent sponge. The first time I went to the South as an adult, I was speaking with a twang before I finished checking out my groceries. If you hear me using an accent, I am not making fun of you. It's totally unconscious.

Thank you for reading this far!

I know it can be hard to text or email someone you've only met once, but, you notice, I never said what music I like! Text or email one of your favorite artists (or the phrase "I don't really care for music.") Just text or email "Tupac" or "Johnny Cash" or "Hatsune Miku" or whatever, and I will take it from there!

The Care and Feeding Manual

So you've decided to try and be friends with me. Thanks! That's awesome of you! Here's a few other things you might want to know.

For the moment, please assume I am very stupid. I am a product of the California Education System, and therefore clueless to many simple cultural things you will think I should be understanding. Please speak plainly if I seem particularly dense. If you're hinting at something and I don't get it, just dump the truth on me.

Did I just bring kale to a potluck? Did I just declare grilling some hotdogs to be barbecue? Has it been 3 weeks and I still haven't sent a thank you card for something? TELL ME! I want to know! All I ask is to please be as gentle as possible. I want to learn to be a proper Southern Lady, and I come across as made of steel, but the steel effect is actually just a cool finish I applied over the cracked porcelain held together with baling wire and prayers.

I have been trying to learn as much about Southern culture beforehand as I could because I dearly want to assimilate and make a strong group of friends. Please be patient with me and feel free to explain things. That said, I will always want to watch less sports than you and desire less calories in my tea.

Please understand that your hometown is like your mother. No matter how bad or good she was, only you can badmouth her. I will try very hard not to complain about things in the South that I misremember as being better in Los Angeles. Please do not badmouth Los Angeles or California about things unless I already have ahead of you. She's effed up and a hot mess, but it wasn't always this way and my heart is full of positive memories.

Now let's make some new ones here!